Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Dark Side of the Otherwise Enchanting Sky Mall Catalog

Written on my plane ride yesterday:

On a seemingly endless flight from Chicago to Portland, I'm plagued by an annoying runny nose, an unfamiliar pressure in my sinuses, and a severe case of boredom. Luckily, I have with me several things to keep me company including my laptop, a few frothy works of fiction, and the Atlantic Monthly that I bought in airport.

Oh, and of course, I have the Sky Mall Catalog. Thank God.

Yes, thank God for the Sky Mall. It's a work of art, really. Or at least in my mind it is. From my view (and I'm pretty sure in part in the creator's view--note the lowercase "c"), it is a hilarious work of social satire that makes fun of humanity's illogical desire to buy things, often made of cheap plastic, that no one could or should ever need.

Examples include:

The Corn Butterer

The Insta Airbed with Backrest

The Do-Nu-Matic

The Pet Observation Dome

Wow. The Sky Mall is truly brilliant in its ability to entertain.

But with all good things in life, the Sky Mall has a dark side. That is, there must actually be people buying crap out of this catalog. And not just the normal stuff in the catalog--there are a few things like clocks and wind chimes--they're buying the crazy, ridiculous junk like the delightful corn butterer I just mentioned (oh my God, use a knife!).

It seems unfathomable to me, but it must be true because the Sky Mall is always there. On every flight. So I'm left asking, what is wrong with people? How do they not realize that once they buy this stuff, it's just going to clog up their basements and attics and living rooms. And God forbid, they're buying these things as gifts. Please, friends and family, don't buy me this kind of stuff. Ever! It will just stress me out and make me think about how I lack storage and need a bigger apartment. Your presents will make me feel inadequate. Is that what you want?

Anyways, maybe I shouldn't be complaining. At least the Sky Mall helps me pass these horrible, food-less, dehydrating hours with a smile--a smile I can still enjoy even if it does have murky undertones.


LadyCiani said...

Oh, I have a better (no plastic) solution than the stupid corn butter-er.

My in-laws slather a piece of bread (usually the butt-end) with margarine, then do a kind of "wrap" with the bread around the corn on the cob.

Voila, every bit can be buttered, no butter sliding off the knife (perfect for little kids), and the bread will be eaten later.

Anonymous said...

So kill me-I kind of want some of those teeny tiny donuts.Will I buy it? No way. Will I stay up all night fashoning my own little teeny tiny donuts for my daughters lunch box? Yes,yes I will.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, that is funny you mention that. I also just got back from a vacation and I was so bummed when our plane landed and I had not picked up the sky mall mag. Such great entertainment! Who orders this crap really?!I just love to flip through those glossy pages and wonder who would order something like those steps for dogs so they can get on your bed or radios that float in your pool? Amazing and scary at the same time.

Lisa Sharp said...

IS it bad that I looked at the donut things and thought that was cool lol. Mind you I wouldn't buy it.

The butter one is amazing to me. I just put a piece of butter on a plate and roll the corn in it. How hard is that lol.