On a seemingly endless flight from Chicago to Portland, I'm plagued by an annoying runny nose, an unfamiliar pressure in my sinuses, and a severe case of boredom. Luckily, I have with me several things to keep me company including my laptop, a few frothy works of fiction, and the Atlantic Monthly that I bought in airport.
Oh, and of course, I have the Sky Mall Catalog. Thank God.
Yes, thank God for the Sky Mall. It's a work of art, really. Or at least in my mind it is. From my view (and I'm pretty sure in part in the creator's view--note the lowercase "c"), it is a hilarious work of social satire that makes fun of humanity's illogical desire to buy things, often made of cheap plastic, that no one could or should ever need.
The Corn Butterer
The Insta Airbed with Backrest
Wow. The Sky Mall is truly brilliant in its ability to entertain.
But with all good things in life, the Sky Mall has a dark side. That is, there must actually be people buying crap out of this catalog. And not just the normal stuff in the catalog--there are a few things like clocks and wind chimes--they're buying the crazy, ridiculous junk like the delightful corn butterer I just mentioned (oh my God, use a knife!).
It seems unfathomable to me, but it must be true because the Sky Mall is always there. On every flight. So I'm left asking, what is wrong with people? How do they not realize that once they buy this stuff, it's just going to clog up their basements and attics and living rooms. And God forbid, they're buying these things as gifts. Please, friends and family, don't buy me this kind of stuff. Ever! It will just stress me out and make me think about how I lack storage and need a bigger apartment. Your presents will make me feel inadequate. Is that what you want?
Anyways, maybe I shouldn't be complaining. At least the Sky Mall helps me pass these horrible, food-less, dehydrating hours with a smile--a smile I can still enjoy even if it does have murky undertones.